This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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