Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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