My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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