haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
