That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
