i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
