I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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