At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
