put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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