I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
