yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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