Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
