Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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