i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
