woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
