so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Say something about gay babies.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
