Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
