if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
