Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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