Sry I called you an 8
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
