I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
