he puts the penis in happiness.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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