ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
