you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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