You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
