My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Small penises have feelings too.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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