i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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