oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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