And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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