Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
