I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
