If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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