weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
