Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
