after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
