Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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