Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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