Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
