Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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