mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
