So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
