tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
