Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
