did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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