xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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