Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
