the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
