literally had 100 drinks last night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
