I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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