They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
