Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have post one night stand depression
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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