so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
