just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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